haih

yesterday, i did it again.
haih!
no, i did not break anyone's heart, at least not how Bri*ney did.
but i think i did hurt someone feelings.
well the real story is like this,
I played netball yesterday. I jumped, I ran, and I semfut (ok this doesn't really relate to the story).
nevertheless I tried my best.
I was playing with my fac-mates, against staff from another faculty.
We'll be having a match next week, and yesterday was our first day of training je pun.
And there I was, forgetting about handling myself with professionalism, and tactfulness.
I forgot I was playing against some staff, whom I'll be working with in the days, and even yearssss to come.
Actually I only made this one remark that the ball was 'ours' (not that the ball was belonged to us but it was our turn to pass the ball) because one of the player from the other team had tapped the ball outside and the other player tapped it back inside and they just kept playing (apakah?).
So I was like, "THE BALL IS OURS! (i was telling (read:yelling to) my team actually), (bola) dah keluar dah pun (i'm not sure this part was for whom)." Perhaps I had yelled unintentionally (the adrenaline was pumping, kan?), and there was one staff (who was wayyy junior) from the other team who got annoyed and replied,
"Eh taulah, ak ala, relaxlah!"

Huh?!
Suddenly I realised, I was only playing with my fellow uni-mates, and it wasn't even a real game!.
Where have all the respects gone?

Well I suppose we were able to recompose ourselves and regained our respect and politeness after the game, because soon after the game ended, we swarmed each other and began to shake hands. Not in the 'hey, good game, see ya-manner', but 'Hi Cik, from which dept are you-and-selamat hari raya manner'.
If you get what I mean.

arrogant, am I?

Two days ago, I realised I'm an arrogant person.
I myself hate it when I behave that way.
Hate it.
Shouldn't have done that.
But I couldn't help it.
Its just sometimes I feel I need to present myself with confidence, but I think people may read that as pride.
And people will see me as an arrogant person, not someone with confidence.

At work, I need to act professional. Must always appear professional, strong and confident. Sometimes I feel it is hard to act all lemah lembut and berbahasa bunga-bunga penuh kias whatsoever, just to show that I'm being polite to someone else.
Because I feel, even though without 'sugary-acts' I still can (and am) polite and I do respect other people, especially the elders.

But somehow, when I'm around my distant family members and relatives, I feel secluded. I don't really fit in. I've observed this a few times, and I still fail to fit in.
Perhaps its because I rarely see them that I begin to find them strangers?
Or is it because I'm too arrogant to accept that I am still in their league, and I'm still one of them?

She

There was a particular moment yesterday when I felt very glad that I'm in a great term with her. This person was someone whom I never expected I could ever really get along with, although I tried to.
To make things worse, something not good happened between us some 4 years ago, which had successfully diminished any little possibilities (at that time) for us to be good friends.
But it seemed that we (me and her) had decided to look at the bright side, and we both learnt that we needed to grow (and grow fast) and to be wiser.
We opted to seek, and grant forgiveness. But do we forget? No, i don't think so. I think it'd be good if we remember what happened, so that we are reminded of our mistake, which should not be repeated.
And yesterday, at that exact moment, when she laughed (I'm not sure to whose joke) and as I looked at her, a sudden thought came to me. How, oh how, grateful I am that she did (or seem to) accept my apologies. And I couldn't help but reconfirm my drawn decision that she, with no doubt, is a lady with a pure, kind heart.

my intention

I've been thinking a lot lately. analysing. About other people. About me.
I've decided to see the best in other people.
When they behave so badly, I must remind myself to hold on to their good side.
But sometimes, a lot of times actually, I fail to do so.
Not to let emotions cloud my judgement and actions can be tough.
Nevertheless, I'll do my best. People have their own reasons of doing something, which may be in their best interest, but not ours, or absolutely against ours.
But I realise life can be rough.
And during those challenging period I may stumble a little.
But I hope I wont ever lose my track.
I still have a little doubt, though.

My personality?

Aurora, this is what I get for my personality test. Am not so sure if they are completely correct tho. hmmm. *figuring out*

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.